Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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