U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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