Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
