I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His hands were made for my vagina.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
