every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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