we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
