No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
