Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
