I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
