WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
