literally had 100 drinks last night.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
