I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
