Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my sisters under your porch take her home
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
