A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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