Cold hands, warm shart.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
