i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
