I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
