Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
