she smelled like a LAN party
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
