Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
