why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so let's talk penis.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
