using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
