I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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