is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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