I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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