I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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