No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize