Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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