Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
