I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
