hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
