my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
