I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
