If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
