At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
