A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
