He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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