i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
