He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
