all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
