You're my little dorito
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
