So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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