I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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