apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize