I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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