We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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