i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
