hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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