If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
