I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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