so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
