is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
