Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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