JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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