Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
